


The Great Escape

by starsandbrokenhalos



Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Batfamily Shenanigans, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, There is a cow lose in the manor, This might be crack but oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 02:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandbrokenhalos/pseuds/starsandbrokenhalos
Summary: Summary:Bat Cow somehow manages to run around the manor.Quote Preview:“We’re so screwed,” Stephanie said as she and Tim restrained the youngest of the children.“Alfred’s going to have a cow,” Tim called from his room. He was trying to quickly clean himself up before they went after the cow again. It had been eerily quiet since the cow took off down the stairs.Damian groaned. “Spare me the terrible puns Drake.” He tried to wiggle free but failed.Cassandra lightly dabbed a rag on the wound. It was only skin deep, but it was enough to cause a bit of splatter on the floor. “He should make more.” She winked at Tim as she reached for the first aid kit Duke had retrieved from the bathroom. She fumbled around in search of the supplies to tape some gauze on to her adoptive little brother. “Besides, we have more important things to worry about.” Damian’s scowl worsened as she cut the medical tape and pressed it onto his arm.





	The Great Escape

**Author's Note:**

> Cassandra Cain Birthday Week Day 2: Family

Bruce was at work for a couple more hours which meant there was bound to be a bit of chaos within the walls of the manor. Yet none of them could have predicted this scenario. All of them had been in their rooms, doing their own thing when it began. Damian had been with some of his pets, painting a landscape and singing softly in Arabic. Helena was blaring Hayley Kiyoko while working on homework. She let out an audible groan every so often due to the frustration of having to read _Lord of the Flies_ and analyze how it was a reflection of all mankind rather than privileged white boys. The smell of waffles had drifted out from underneath Stephanie’s door. As it turned out, she had fallen asleep shortly after consuming her after school “snack.” Duke had been playing video games and talking over the headset with his online friends. Lastly, Tim was programming software for the fun of it and drinking his fifth coffee of the day. 

As for Cass, she was watching ballet videos on YouTube and imitating their moves. She had been at it for nearly an hour when there was a crash in the hallway. Whatever had caused it, had also shook the house. Each of them had sprang out of their rooms, ready to fight, only to discover Bat Cow wandering through the hallway. How the cow had managed to make its way into this section of their home was beyond them but honestly, with everything else that happened around here, it should not have surprised them. 

From there it escalated into a series of unfortunate events that involved trying to coax the cow back to its designated area. The highlights were; Stephanie almost being trampled by a cow, Helena throwing a batarang to the left of Damian after he made an offhanded cruel comment, Tim falling into a pile of dung and Duke catching most of it on video. The recording was stopped to tend to Damian when the batarang accidentally grazed his arm and to keep him from lunging at Helena in retaliation.

“We’re so screwed,” Stephanie said as she and Tim restrained the youngest of the children. 

“Alfred’s going to have a cow,” Tim called from his room. He was trying to quickly clean himself up before they went after the cow again. It had been eerily quiet since the cow took off down the stairs. 

Damian groaned. “Spare me the terrible puns Drake.” He tried to wiggle free but failed. 

Cassandra lightly dabbed a rag on the wound. It was only skin deep, but it was enough to cause a bit of splatter on the floor. “He should make more.” She winked at Tim as she reached for the first aid kit Duke had retrieved from the bathroom. She fumbled around in search of the supplies to tape some gauze on to her adoptive little brother. “Besides, we have more important things to worry about.” Damian’s scowl worsened as she cut the medical tape and pressed it onto his arm. 

“Yeah, like being grounded until the day we die,” Duke grumbled, clearly sending the video he took to various group chats filled with friends and family. Cass trusted he was avoiding the chats that contained Bruce and Alfred. At least for the time being. Then again, if he was it was only a matter of time until they heard Alfred making a tired sigh after spotting the cow in an inopportune spot.

“Pfft. I already am,” Helena said, twirling the batarang. Her own pet cat was rubbing against her legs and purring loudly. 

Damian flicked his eyes towards his sister. “What did you do this time?”

The current Batgirl shrugged. “Get caught.”

“There,” Cassandra said. She gently patted Damian’s hands before cleaning up the medical supplies. “Now, about the cow,” she said as she stood up. As if planned, there was a loud moo that echoed through the manor. Truthfully, it was beginning to feel like they were in some sort of simulation that was starting to cave in on itself, but she dared not speak it out loud. That is, she mostly did not want Tim to have an existential crisis before they rounded up Bat Cow.

Stephanie was borderline cackling. “This only postpones the questioning Helena.”

“I know,” Helena answered with a sigh.

“Damian, it’s your pet, what do we do?” Tim asked. 

“Tt. Clearly you have never bothered to pay attention,” the preteen answered.

“Damian,” Helena said sternly.

“I was not finished beloved sister,” Damian retorted. Helena rolled her eyes, clearly not believing what his response. “As I was saying, we will need feed.”

* * *

“Remind me why I am the bait and not you?” Tim asked Damian as he stood in the middle of the ballroom holding an excessive amount of food for the cow. They had imitated Hansel and Gretel in hopes that Damian’s pet would come find them and they could gently coax it outside to the small barn. 

Damian rolled his eyes. “I must be the one to talk calmly to Bat Cow,” he said as if it explained everything.

Stephanie giggled. “You just proved his point.”

“Only in your mind Brown,” Damian responded as he crouched even lower.

They were hiding behind the grand piano as they watched Tim wander around the rest of the ballroom pleading with the cow to come to them. He was clearly over it and becoming increasingly tired due to the caffeine wearing off. “I agree with Steph.”

“You have an inferior intellect Drake,” Damian said.

“ _Little_ brother, I will stab you if you don’t stop instigating,” Helena warned, clearly annoyed. Although the threat of intentionally hurting Damian was empty, throwing something at him was clearly not outside the realm of possibility. 

“Listen,” Cassandra said, effectively ending the bickering.

 _Clop, clop, clop._

The noise bounced off the walls and floors. As it continued on, it became evident that not only was the source moving closer, but that it was the cow. A couple minutes passed and sure enough, Bat Cow wandered into the room. 

_Clop, clop, clop._

The animal was chomping on food as it came to a stop. It tilted its’ head and looked at Tim. The third Robin appeared to be regretting all of his life choices at the moment. Damian adjusted his grip on the leading rope he was carrying and snuck out to venture to Tim’s side just as the cow started to move again. 

_Clop, clop, clop._

“Easy there,” Damian said, his voice uncharacteristically soft and gentle. He continued to say comforting things as he approached the cow slowly. “You’re a good cow.” Stephanie and Duke exchanged disbelieving looks. Seeing Damian let down his angry façade was a rarity that still took some getting used to for many members of their family. In a way it was akin to witnessing Bruce smile. Although, the latter tended to be rarer and slightly nerve wracking depending on the circumstances. “That’s a good girl.” Damian pet the cow’s nose with one hand as he slipped the leading rope on. 

“Bat cow is a girl?” Duke asked in a whisper.

“Apparently,” Stephanie and Helena answered in unison. 

Tim sneezed. A startled Bat Cow took off running, dragging Damian behind her. “I will get you for this Drake!” Damian yelled as he let go of the leading rope. He landed on his knees and shot a glare at Tim. 

“Looks like there is beef between them,” Duke joked causing the three young ladies to laugh as they left their hiding spot to spot.

Damian went to say something snippy to Duke but refrained when he caught Helena shooting him a stern look. She really was starting to master the infamous Bat Stare. “Just get the doors,” Damian muttered. With that, everyone was racing to close all the doors that led to the ballroom. 

As Cassandra shut a door, she heard the chomping of teeth behind her. She turned around slowly and came face to face with Bat Cow. She followed Damian’s lead and began to pet the cow’s nose. “Good cow,” she said as she reached for the rope. The cow licked her face and she giggled. “Yes, we are weird. Now tell me, how did you get in here?” she asked. The cow mooed in response. “Interesting.” Bat Cow nuzzled her face as Cass handed the animal off to Damian. 

“Let me guess, you all forgot to tell me I have to learn animal whispering too?” Duke asked as he kicked at some of the cow food on the ground.

Cassandra shrugged. “I have been watching Damian.”

Instead of saying something smug, Damian simply nodded. There was the faintest trace of a smirk on his face as he led his pet out of the ballroom. He was whispering to the cow as if he were sharing secrets as they left. It was an adorable sight to behold but no one was ever going to tell him that unless they were teasing him. But hey, that came with being a member of this crazy family. 

The seemingly all-knowing Alfred appeared bearing cleaning supplies. “All of you never cease to amaze me,” he said as they all lined up. They would be spending at least an hour or two scrubbing the place clean and hoping they could get it done before Bruce returned. While it would likely be tedious, Cassandra found herself oddly grateful at the chance to do something conventionally normal with those she loved. A part of her always relished such things as she found they helped anchor her. Living a life full of extremes could take a toll and it was easy to get caught up in it. Cassandra smiled as she thought about how it felt to be a part of this crazy family of caped crusaders trying their best. Well, there was also the fact she was likely going to see someone get a bucket of water thrown at them within the next hour which made the smile on her face grow. 

“Cassie…what are you planning?” Tim asked.

“Nothing,” she answered, still smiling.

Stephanie hit the end of the mop against the floor. “Oh really?”

“And so it begins,” Alfred said as he turned to leave the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, Happy New Year!! It's been a while so I wanted to provide some updates as to what this is and my other writing projects! 
> 
> 1) A friend of mine and myself are running a Cass Cain birthday week on tumblr. If you are interested in participating or just viewing works click [here](http://casscainbdayweek.tumblr.com/post/182129115046/casscainbdayweek-cassandra-cains-birthday-week)! Late submissions are accepted. I also started an AO3 collection for it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Cass_Cain_Bday_Week)
> 
> 2) I've been super busy lately but I finally started writing the continuation of my JayRoy Week 2018 story. I want to write a few chapters and do some editing before I start posting it but it is officially in the works!
> 
> 3) As always, thanks for taking the time to read this, leave kudos and comments! It really means a lot! I hope you enjoyed the read!! :)


End file.
